


Broken Parabatai( Heronstairs angst)

by Heronstairs_The_Light_Of_My_Life



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Complete, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mystery, One-Shot, Please Review, Poor Will, Sad!will, a little bit of Wessa, bitter/sweet ending, contains chinese, heronstairs, hurt!jem, jem dies, plot get clear in the end, tessa mentioned only, will mourns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 05:49:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5731744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heronstairs_The_Light_Of_My_Life/pseuds/Heronstairs_The_Light_Of_My_Life
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jem's life is coming to an end. What happens if Jem decides to die as a hero. A hero that he thinks he can never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken Parabatai( Heronstairs angst)

**Author's Note:**

> I am a cheerful person. Really. Alas, sometimes the light is just too bright in my life so I add a little gloom to it. Hope you enjoy the angst. My first angst fanfic btw

Me : Hey , guys!So I don't ow-

Jem and Will : Hi guys!! * smiling and waving *

Me: Why are you here? You know what, never mind. Since you are here, help me say the disclaimer.

Jem: Palirroia don't own The Infernal Devices.

Will: Cassandra clare own The Infernal Devices. Palirroia need to be far more smarter to be half as smart and creative as Cassandra Clare.

Me: Hey!

Will: Just being honest,man

Me*glares* Yes. But you don't to say it out loud! It hurts.

Will: It's the painful truth.

Me: * Clears throat* Anyway, I am writing a Heronstairs-

Will&Jem: Yay!! We love each other! * kissy kissy and stuff *

Me:* Trying to ignore and not freak out * Angst fanfiction .

Will & Jem: What?! How could you do this to us!!! ....

Me: *snaps finger and silence * Finally, I can get rid of those two noisy couple-. What I mean is I just sent them to do the preparations *Innocent smile *

Jem & Will : *shouting and screaming at a distance.*

Me: You guys heard nothing. Anyway, back to my speech. I am writing a Heronstairs Angst fanfiction. This is my first fanfic.So please be easy on me 

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Third Person's Pov:

The Demon, yanluo, got closer and closer. Jem struggled against his binds.

The Demon cackled at it as it got closer, taking out the syringe that was filled with liquid that is as black has the inky midnight sky. Jem's eyes grew wide when he saw the poison. He struggled more furiously, trying to break free of the chain that binds him to the chair. The Demon continued to cackle, enjoying every moment of Jem's struggle and Jem's parents begging. Begging the Demon to stop , to give their son some mercy.

Have you given any mercy to MY children when you destroyed my nest. Did you? NO! And now after waiting for so long, I finally have a chance to destroy your child. I will let you feel what it is like to watch helplessly as your own child scream for help.For mercy. Yet, You cannot do a thing about it.You can only watch helplessly as your child suffers right in front of your eyes. The Demon said to Jem's parents in his raspy voice.

His parents screamed Jem's chinese name.

Jem looked between the Demon and his parents in fear.

You will suffer a painful death James Carstairs. Your time is up. The Demon said, his mouth right in front of his eyes. His scaly long claws cup his chin , making him look directly at The Demon.

The Demon cackled as he let the needle point at Jem's skin, just a few millimeters away, enjoying the fear that is radiating out of Jem and his parents.

Then he plunged/jammed the needle right into Jem's skin. Jem yelled at the pain of his skin splinting against the sharp needle.

x x x

Jem gasped as he felt arms wrapped around him. He looked up and saw Will's worried face looking down at him. Jem gave him a weak smile.

"Jem. Are you alright?" Will asked.

Jem nodded."Just a bad dream, I am alright."

"Well, you scared me when you suddenly started screaming, I thought you were hurt.Are you sure you are alright?" Will said, still worried.

"I am sure , Will." Jem reassured , giving Will a kind smile.

Will doesn't look convinced, but he didn't push Jem into saying what his dream is. Jem still looked pretty shaken up.

Jem took Will's hands in his own and snuggled into Will's chest.

What have I done to have such a great man Jem thought.

Then, there was a knock on the door." I will go get it. You stay in bed,you need to rest." Will ordered Jem, as he got up to get the door.

Will opened the door and saw Sophie standing there.Will only opened the door slightly so he can talk to Sophie yet she can't see what is happening inside.

" Ms Charotte to see you and Mr Carstairs." Sophie said coldly.  
" Alright. Just tell Charlotte that we will be there in a while. " Will added " Sweetheart. "

Will knows calling Sophie names like sweetheart and honey will get on her nerves and he enjoyed it. Jem, which still lying in bed and resting as Will ordered, rolled his eyes at Will's statement.

Sophie scowled and walked off. On the way, she was cursing out colorful words about Will.

Will closed the door and walked back to his bed, where Jem is resting.

" You have to do that " Jem asked, rolling his eyes.

" Of course." Will said, his lips slightly curled up. " It is a hobby which I have great interest in. Not as interesing as you of course "

Jem smiled at his reasons.

" Anyway, let's hurry. There must be something important if Charlotte wants to meet us at 7 in the morning. You know,having enough sleep is as important as having more training to Charotte." Jem said, climbing out of bed.

" It's okay, Jem. You rest first. I will go. I will fill you in after the meeting ." Will said, not even letting Jem protest as he tucked Jem into bed and quickly wearing his suit.Before leaving the room, Will gave Jem a kiss on the forehead.

After Will shut the door , Jem sighed and looked at the ceiling of his room.(I mean their room ).

Suddenly the Demon's words seem to be replaying itself at the back of his head.

You will suffer a painful death James Carstairs. Your time is up.The Demon had said to him.

Jem do'nt want to die such an early death, even as a Nephilim. Now, he had finally found what he wanted most. Happiness. He always wanted to be with Will.Now he got what he had wanted for years and he don't want to die.Don't want to leave Will.

Jem stood up and get ready to meet Charotte.

Jem knew that having yinfen daily can only slow his death.Making it a painful one. Jem didn't tell Will so as to not cause Will more trouble as to what he already had. Recently, he realized that his attacks seem to come more often and comes more painfully. Could this be the end?

Suddenly,he suddenly felt his lung getting tighter as a great pressure is acting against his chest. It was squeezing the air out of his lungs. He coughed as the each breath was much more painful compared to the previous. He was suffocating and choking.

He quickly covered his mouth to prevent blood from being dripped onto the floor. But as much as he had tried to not dirty the floor, some blood slipped through the gap between his fingers and dripped onto the floor. The pain was unbearable. Jem has no more energy to stand as he slides down and can only sit on the floor, leaning against the bed.

Jem tried to reach for the box. The box which the powder inside stops his pain temporarily and also shortens his life,which brings him a slow and painful death.

As much as he tried to stand, but the pain was too much. His limbs went flaccid and he collapsed on the floor , hitting his head.  
The world slowly fades away from him.

X X X

The meeting with Charotte was finally over. Charotte was very worried about Jem because Jem never missed a meeting unless he got an attack,but Will convinced her that Jem was just tired as he didn't sleep well last night.

Charlotte told Will that she needs to go to Irdis for a meeting. Henry is coming with her so she wants Will and Jem to protect the Institute while they are gone for a week. They will be leaving now.

Will can't wait to tell Jem that. If the adults are not around, and Jessamine will of course be in her room or shopping. Tessa is always in the libary.There would only Jem and himself and they don't have to hide and fearing that others will see them holding hands, which is against The Law. Jem will be so surprised by that.

x x x

Will opened the door to their room- Jem and his- and was greeted by a horrible scene. Jem is lying limp on the ground and in a huge puddle of his own blood.

" Jem!" Will yelled as he ran towards Jem. He kneeled beside Jem, cupping his face in his hands.Panic boiled in him. He has never felt so much fear before. Never when a blade was placed against his chest where his heart is. Never when his parents screamed and yelled for him at the entrance of the Institute. Never. But now he is afraid Jem will die in his arms.

Will is scared. Very scared. What if Jem is gone, how can he live a life without Jem! Will reach for Jem's neck and check for any pulse. To his relief, Jem still has a pulse.But the pulse is weak, faint and irregular.

Hang in there, Jem. Will thought as he put his arm under Jem's legs and the other behind his back, and lifting Jem onto the bed. After placing Jem onto the bed gently like a fragile yet precious and priceless piece of artifact.

Then, Will dashed around the room , searching for the box where the antidote for Jem's pain , and also the poison that leads Jem closer to the gates of Death is placed in.

Finally, Will found the box in the last drawer. He quickly opened the box and scooped a teaspoon of the powder and pour it into Jem's mouth.

C'mon. Will thought as he watched the powder enter Jem's mouth and waited anxiously for Jem to move his lips, to swallow the powder, and be fine like how he had survived the previous attracks.

After a few moments of waiting, sweat covered Will's forehead.

Please. Will begged. Please wake up, James Carstairs. I can't live without you.

But still, there was no movement from Jem. A drop of tears rolled down Will's cheeks.

No. Will thought as he buried his face into Jem's chest, sobbing.

" I am sorry, Jem. I shouldn't have left the room and meet Charlotte alone. I should have been there for you. It's all my fault. I am sorry, Jem. " Will shouted into Jem's chest , crying.

What he didn't know is that Jem was staring at him. It breaks Jem's heart muscle looking at Will being so heartbroken. Plus, it was Jem ,who made Will like this. So broken.

Jem knew deep down that this will happen one day. Just not today, but it will.

Slowly, Jem lifted his right hand and touched Will's arm. Will immediately looked up, seeing Jem gives him a weak smile.

"You're okay." Will whispered, then shouted again" Jem! Your okay!"

Will hugged Jem tightly, fear that he will lose Jem again.

"Jem?" Will called out after pulling away from Jem.

"Yes, Will?" Jem asked.

"Did you have your powder ?" Will asked/demanded.

After a moment of hesitation, Jem replied, looking away. Jem didn't dare to look at Will.

"No. Will."

"James Carstairs! How dare you! You know you can get yourself killed because of it.Do you know how worried I was!" Will shouted at Jem.

Will was very angry. Very mad. How can Jem do that? Didn't Jem know how important he is in Will's life. Will have no idea how to live without Jem.

" I am sorry Will." Jem apologised, still not daring to look at Will." I am just.... I am just tired of just always being the one sick and fragile. I am a shadowhunter , a warrior. Yet I act so weak. Never like what I should be. I.. I hate being like this, Will. I hate myself being like this. I hate it so much. " Jem was already close to tears.

Will's heart broke just seeing Jem like this.

"Oh Jem. You're not weak. You are even stronger than any other Shadowhunter.I would have given up on myself once I knew I am addicted. But you , Jem." Will paused to cupped Jem's face with both his hands and lifted his face, so Jem is staring at him right in the eye." Jem, you have hung on for so many years. You are the bravest Shadowhunter I have ever seen. So , Carstairs. Never doubt yourself. I will always love you.So don't ever change."

Jem smiled and sigh as he hugged Will. Will smiled and hugged Jem.

" I love you William Herondale." Jem whispered.

" I love you too James Carstairs." Will whispered back . " You're my greatest sin "

X X X

After Charlotte and Henry left for Irdis , Jem and Will have nothing to do.

" Now what?" Will asked as they walk down the corridor, holding hands and having no fear that they would be discovered.

Jem was about to reply when a loud ring was heard.

" The summoning bell" Jem gasped. Will grumbled. Now is a perfect time for them to have a private moment and there has to be someone who needs help from the Institute. Of all times, why now?

"C'mon" Jem called out as he rushed down the steps. Will followed unwillingly and ran down the steps to catch up with Jem.

X X X TIME SKIP X X X

"So what you are saying is that there is a clan of vampires attacking you and the other shadowhunters. " Jem said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"And you are the only one escaped to get help. So you want us to help you." Will continued.

Michael nodded.

Jem was about to answer when Will cut in.

"The head of the Institute is in Irdis. We are underage. Only 17. Also, The Clave does not know about this rescue." Will reasoned. " So No."

Jem looked at Will with an eyebrow raised. Will never turn down any chance of him having any adventure. Since when does Will even care about The Clave. Since when does Will even care that they are too young for rescue missions.Never. Jem doesn't understand why Will is acting strangely.

There is a saying in Mandarin that when someone do the opposite of what they normally do, they say the Sun has raised from the West today. Seems it is the case right now. Its seems like the phrase is invented for what Will is doing right today.

"We will discuss about this.Please wait a moment." Jem said politely to Michael, as he gestured Will to follow him.

Michael nodded.

After they stood behind a pillar,which is far enough to prevent Michael from eavesdropping their conversation, Jem finally spoke up.

"What do you think you are doing, William?" Jem asked.

"What do you mean. I don't understand what you are talking about." Will pretended.

"Don't pretend, William. I know you for many years and we are parabatai.Why are you acting so differently today. You never turn down any chance of you having any adventure. Since when do you even care about that The Clave think about. Since when does you even care about us are too young for rescue missions." Jem pointed out.

Will was speechless. He can't find any good reason to explain his strange behavior to Jem without telling Jem the real reason. The reason that will cause Jem's heart to break.

"Because.." Will try to think of a logical excuse as quick as possible.

" Because you are afraid that I may not make it. " Jem said, looking at Will." Don't think I don't know what you are thinking about. "

Will was speechless. Will felt many emotions at that one reply Jem made. Disappointment. Joy. Guilt. Sadness. Disgust. Anger.

All these emotions were felt at the same time.

He was glad and a little satisfied that Jem knew him so well. But also disappointed that Jem can look through him so easily like he was transparent. Like it was written on his face. He was angry and disappointed for having such thoughts. Just a few moments ago, he said Jem a brave shadowhunter . Yet now he is protective over Jem. Never thought of how Jem will feel. How Jem will think of himself and think about himself.

" I am sorry, Jem." Will apologized. " I truly a-"

Before Will could continue, Jem put a finger to his lips to silence Will.

Jem leaned forward and gave Will a light peak on the lips.

" When have you become so possessive ,Will ? " Jem asked, smirking.

When Will saw Jem smirking, he smiled.

" I am not. I am only protective. Only people who are jealous get possessive. I am only protective. " Will reasoned.

" It's the same thing. " Jem replied." You are still possessive."

" am not."

" Whatever you say." Jem asked " Anyway, are we going to carry out the rescue? We can't leave Michael waiting."

After a moment of hesitation, Will nodded.

"Let's go."

X X X

"You are finally back. What took you so long?" Will asked as Jem got onto the Carriage. Before they left for the rescue mission, Jem suddenly informed Will that he will be going back to get some extra daggers just in case. It took Jem 15 minutes just to get them causing the rescue mission to be delayed.

"Nothing much. I just went to take an extra stele too." Jem answered as the Carriage took off.

"Be quicker next time.There could be no survivors left when we reach there at your pace." Will said.

Jem nodded.

X X X

"James! You go left, I will go right!"Will shouted as the pair stood back facing each other. A familiar action that they always do in a battle. An action that can strengthen their Parabatai bond. An action that makes them feel safe with each other's presence.

Jem nodded. Jem drew his Seraph blade as he slashes through the thick swarm of Vampires that were coming his way. He ducked and blocked each attack with grace.

Will was a sword fighting machine gone out of control. He slashed,cut,stabbed,and punched at every vampire that was just an arm length away from him. His speed was so fast it was hard to process what you see. All you can see are vampires falling from an invisible force and have no reason why.Will himself is a tornado.

All was going well and you can almost see that they were going to win until Will made a mistake of looking at Jem. Will was in a daze, just staring at Jem fighting with grace. Jem felt somebody staring at his back. Jem turned and smiled when he saw Will looking at him. Will smiled back, until Jem's smile slipped.

Everything happened in the blink of an eye. Jem yelled for Will to get down as a vampire lunged at Will. Jem quickly pulled out a dagger and threw it at the vampire.

The dagger hit it right between the eyes.The vampire staggered back. Will cursed himself for being so careless. He looked back to thank Jem when he saw a vampire pierced through Jem's chest with his claws. It's claw was dripping with crimson colored substance as the claw pierced from Jem's back and out from the front of Jem's chest.

Blood. Jem's blood.My Parabatai's blood.My lover's blood. My Jem's blood.

Jem gasped as he stared in horror at the blood painted claw that was sticking out in front of his chest.The vampire drew his hand out. Jem yelled in pain as burning sensation in his lungs was too much. Too much to bear. His legs went weak as he collapsed onto the ground. His face was filled with pain.

"No!!!" Will yelled. For the next few seconds, all Will saw was red. In seconds, all the vampires fell from Will's wrath. When the last vampire fell, Will didn't even cheered. He dashed towards the body that was lying on the ground in a puddle of blood.Jem.

Jem was barely hanging on to life.

"C'mon.James."Will encouraged , as he put Jem's head onto his lap, not caring about the blood dripping onto his clothes." You will make it. You will. Just hang in there."

Will gave Jem many Iratze runes, but nothing happened.The blood continued to gush out of Jem's wound.

"James!You can't do this to me!" Will cried as he cupped Jem's face in his hands.

"Will" Jem croaked"I am go-going to die any..way"

"What are you talking about! You will live. You have to."

"Do me a favor Will." Jem begged."J-Just one last favour."

Will shut his eyes. He shook his head. This is not the last. This cannot be the last.

"P-please Will." Jem reached a hand towards Will's cheeks and gently wiped a tear away. " I d-don't have much time left-"

Before Jem even finish his sentence he coughed out blood. Each cough, Will can feel the pain Jem is enduring. I paniced and raised the stele to draw painless rune to reduce Jem's pain, but Jem just waved him off. From the expression on Jem's face ,you can read two words. It hurts.

"P-please" This time it was a whisper. Jem was getting weaker and weaker due to the loss of blood.The grip on life was slipping.

Jem coughed violently. My blood.

Will nodded. Jem smiled.

"G-go to my room. Re-read t..the letter on the t-t-t-tabl-" Before Jem finished his sentence his hand that cupped Will's face fell to the ground.

"No..." Will cried as he hugged Jem's head. He could feel the Parabatai rune on his chest died away. He felt empty. His heart seems to have a Jem shaped hole.

"Ave atque Vale" Will managed to say between gasped of breath. He cried. His lover is gone. Gone.

X X X

Charlotte and Henry were shocked to find out Jem's death on their return from Irdis.

Jem's funeral was sad. Everybody cried. Nobody wanted to leave Jem's grave.

The London Institute fell silent. No more laughter from the Parabatai brothers. No more sweet violin music. Nothing. Just silence.

The broken Parabatai rune on Will's chest which used to prove the bond between Jem and Will to be strong and kept them together. Now , the rune was just a painful reminder to Will. Every moment ,reminding him that he has not fulfill the oath they took. He didn't try to save Jem as he should. He was the cause of Jem's death.It was all his fault. It was or William Herondale's fault.

After Jem's funeral, Will was dragged back to the Institute. Will didn't dare to step into Jem's room. Fearing of facing the fact that Jem is gone, but he has to fulfill Jem's last request.

Will stood in front of Jem's room door, hesitating before opening it and took a step inside. Jem's stuff was never touched ever since the rescue mission.

On Jem's desk , Will found the letter like what Jem said.

The handwriting with every curve and stroke was familiar to Will's eyes.

It said:

Dear Will,

I have written this before I went for the rescue mission.The extra mission was just an excuse.

I knew I am going to die and I don't want you to blame yourself for whatever cause of my death is. Actually I did take my powder today. I was told by the Silent Brothers before coming to London that if my attacks come even on the same day I had my powder means that my life is short and may not make it to see the daylight of tomorrow. I knew I would die today no matter what.So, I thought why not I die as how most shadowhunters do. I would rather die in battle than dying because of an illness.A Honorable death.

I want to prove to other shadowhunter. Consul Wayland. The Clave. Everyone that I am a true shadowhunter and not a weak and sickly being. Not just some drug addict that has no idea or goal in mind. I also don't want future generations of Shadowhunters to think the surname Carstairs as people that are useless. I want Shadowhunters to hear the surname Carstairs just like any other surnames.

I hope you will understand, Will , but it is alright if you do not. I hope you could just forgive me. I know in Parabatai oath we took, we cannot leave each other till death. I wish even death wouldn't part us. Just remember, no matter where I am , I will always love you.Please keep the Carstairs family ring as a promise from me. But, I wish you would move on. Don't delay your life because of me.Tessa. She loves you. Have a life with her. We will meet at the Riverbank as you said, I will wait for you. Tell me your story. Mizpah xiong di. Wo yong yuan ai ni,qin ai de.

Love,

James Carstairs.

Next to the letter to the Letter was the ring Jem said. With a deep breath, Will took the ring and slipped it onto his middle finger, right next to the Herondale family ring.

\----------------------------------------

Translation: Wo yong yuan ai ni,qin ai de.

Meaning: I will always love you ,my love.

\---------------------------------------

So this is the end of the story. Hope you like it.

**Author's Note:**

> I have an account from Wattpad and Fanfiction.net, so I may not be used to the word" kudo" or sth like that.
> 
> Ps vote/favourite my fanfic.  
> Thx


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